Jokes (5)

Worms

It was the first day of Biology for a group of teenagers. The
professor had arranged a short demonstration for the class.
He took a worm and dropped it into a glass of water. The worm
wriggled about in the water.
Then he took a second worm and dropped it into a glass of alcohol.
The worm immediately died.
The professor asked the students if anyone knew what the point of
the demonstration was.
A boy raised his hand and said, "You're showing us that if we drink
alcohol, we won't have worms."

Dear Susan

A man is in jail for robbing 27 banks. One day he receives a letter from his wife. It says... Dear Peter As you are in jail I will have to plant the potatoes in the garden myself. When is the best time to plant them? Love Susan He sends her the following reply... Dear Susan Do not plant the potatoes in the garden as that is where I have hidden all the money from the bank robberies. Love Peter A few days later he receives another letter... Dear Peter It's terrible. Yesterday twenty policemen came to the house and dug up the whole garden, but they didn't find anything. Love Susan He sends her the following reply... Dear Susan Now is the best time to plant the potatoes! Love Peter

Bracelet

A woman sees a beautiful bracelet in the window of a jewellery shop and
decides that she wants it, but she doesn't have enough money to buy it.
Then she has an idea. She goes into the shop and asks if they will
hold/save the bracelet for her if she pays a small deposit.
The jeweller says that for a deposit of $50 he will hold the bracelet
for her for up to four weeks.
Then he asks her, "When will you come to collect and pay for the bracelet?"
The woman replies, "My husband will come in and pay for the bracelet
as soon as he does something unforgivable. Probably this weekend!"

Carpet

An old lady had bought a new carpet and the carpet fitter was fitting

it for her. Once he had fitted it he went outside to have a cigarette,

but he couldn't find his packet of cigarettes.

He looked in all his pockets and in his van, but he just couldn't find

them. So, he went back into the room where he had fitted the carpet to

see if he had dropped the packet in there.

As he entered the room he noticed a small lump under the carpet in the

middle of the room.

He decided to flatten the lump rather than undo all his work, so he took

a hammer and banged the lump until it was flat.

As he was putting his tools away the old lady walked into the room. She

was holding a packet of cigarettes. She said, "I found these in the

hallway. You must have dropped them."

"Now, I just need to find my budgie.

Doctor

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, please help me. I hurt all over."
The doctor asked the man to explain more.
The man said, "When I touch my arm it hurts, when I touch my leg it
hurts, when I touch my head it hurts. Everywhere I touch it hurts."
The doctor examined the man and said, "Mr Smith, your finger is broken!"