Some Jokes

-Mum, mum, in school everybody tells me that I'm confused!
- Hey, kid, this is not your house. 

Man: Waiter, I can't eat this soup!

Waiter: I'm sorry, Sir. I'll call the cook.

Cook: What's the problem, Sir?

Man: I'm sorry but I can't eat this soup?

Cook: Why not, Sir?

Man: Because I haven't got a spoon!

 What is the difference between a cat and a dog, Dogs think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so they must be Gods; cats instead think: HUmans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so I must be God.

 - What happens in the African jungle from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. everyday, even on Sundays?
- Two hours.

- I can turn you into a Red Indian.
- How?
- See? I told you! How!

She: So, why do you call me Eve when my real name is Maria?
He: Because you are the first woman I ever had.
She: Well, then I'll call you Peugeot
He: Why's that? Because I'm good-looking, economical, small and fast?
She: No, darling. Because you're number 206!

There was a man with a penguin under his arm. Suddenly he met an old friend, who asked him:

- What are you doing with a penguin under your arm? You should carry him to the zoo!

And the man replied:

-Yes, yesterday we went to the cinema, today we've gone shopping and tomorrow we'll go to the zoo!

There was a man so short that one time he sat down into a marble and said: 'The world is mine!!!'

What does zero say to number eight?
Nice belt!

What is a child doing on the floor in the supermarket?
Searching low prices.

Why is a student taking a ladder to the school?
Because he wants to get to High School!

- Dentist: What kind of filling would you like in your tooth?
- Boy: Chocolate!

Dentist: Good grief! You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen!
- Patient: You don't have to repeat it, Doc!
- Dentist: I didn't - that was the echo!

- Patient: Doctor, people keep ignoring me.
- Doctor: Next!

- Doctor: That's strange! Your brother is very small compared to you.
- Patient: Of course. He is my half-brother.

- Psychiatrist: Congratulations, sir. You're cured.
- Patient: Some cure... Before I was Julius Caesar. Now I'm nobody!

Teacher: If I had nine apples in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands!

Wife: Do you want dinner, dear?
Husband: Sure! What are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

Little Lucy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour looked over the fence. Curious about what she was doing, he asked 'What are you doing?'
'My goldfish died,' Lucy answered, 'and I've just buried him.'
The neighbour was surprised. He said 'That's a big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?'
Lucy finished filling the hole and replied, 'That's because he's inside your cat.'

If a lawyer and a tax collector were drowning and you could only save one of them, what would you do: read the newspaper or drink coffee?

- What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up this morning?
- He said 'Where am I, Mary?'
- And why did that upset you?
- My name is Betty.